(Mandrill, givin' you some lip)Listen to what humans on the web say about me:
His face vibrant with color, a dominant male mandrill is a surreal testimony to the power of testosterone. Hormone levels four times higher than lower-ranking members maintain the dominant male’s scarlet nose, ridged electric blue cheeks and golden beard. To complete the effect, the rainbow colors of his face are echoed on his genitals. These powerful, heavily built members of the baboon family are highly social. A dominant male, his harem and their young roam the forest in search of food. Several family groups sometimes join together to form a horde of several hundred animals, which keep in contact with a continuous chorus of barks, grunts and crowing calls.
Our species, too, has a weaker sex. They are dull, like your Jane Austen:
The Mandrill is recognized by its olive-colored fur and the colorful face and rump of males, a coloration that grows stronger with sexual maturity; females have duller colors. This coloration becomes more pronounced as the monkey becomes excited and is likely to be an example of sexual selection. The coloration on the rump is thought to enhance visibility in the thick vegetation of the rainforest and aids in group movement.
I only have one beef with the information I've found about our glorious race of beings.
Wikipedia lists our conservation status as "vulnerable." As the manliest Mandrill man alive, I cannot accept someone considering me vulnerable. If I could, I would hunt down the author of that article and puncture his skull with my massive canine teeth. However, it could have been written by literally anyone with a computer, so I write this to you:
Please do not pity my species. As we blaze angrily toward our own extinction, the Mandrill desires to be seen as nothing less than the most hate-filled, powerful, feared species that has ever walked the planet. Call us "vulnerable," and you set us up for salvation. And salvation is for pussies.
(Mandrill, visionary)
1 comment:
Although I cannot agree with all of the so-called Mandrill Man's ideas, as a member of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement I must applaud the mandrill species' dedicated collision course with oblivion. Obviously we humans have much to learn from your filthy, bloodthirsty species.
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