Promotion Material for Maniac Energy Drink, the Energy Drink for Maniacs

Sometimes you need a real burst of energy. Whether you're cramming for a test, jumping headfirst into a pickup game of jai-alai, or fighting a group of wolverines, Maniac Energy Drink (tm) is the only nectar you need, baby! Tear the can in half with your bare teeth and shove 6000mg of our patented Maniac Mix (tm) down your off-the-hook esophogus. Now that's extreme!


Hey, life is demanding. When you're livin' la vida loca, who's got time for sleep!? Whether it's an all-night coke party, underground no-holds-barred cage fighting, or just driving an unlicensed truck all the way to Mexico, Maniac Energy Drink (tm) has the 271 herbs and semi-legal pharmaceutical chemicals you need to push it to the limit - and beyond!


Other energy drinks say they'll keep you up all night. They'll offer you phony-baloney ingredients like "ginseng" and "glucose," but what the fuck does glucose have to do with driving a convertible 150 miles per hour, drunk, while your buddy beats up a Lithuanian prostitute in the backseat? Nothing, that's what. Maniac Energy Drink (tm). It's what the clinically insane crave!


Hey, kid, picture this! It's 3:30 in the morning. You're writing a 20-page microbiology paper with one hand, knife-fighting with a berserk idiot manchild raised by Taiwanese fight promoters with the other, and flying a flaming Cessna to Haiti with your feet. You've been awake for six days straight, and, suddenly, you feel yourself starting to blackout again. What's gonna get you through!? Only Manic Energy Drink (tm), a terrifyingly effective blend straight from our top x-engineers in their makeshift laboratories. Mainline one of our 64 fluid ounce cans straight into your eyeball and hold onto your ass as your system gets jacked by unfamiliar substances like methcathinone, neurine, Lewisite, phosgene, and our secret Chemical X, a chemical that would be outlawed by the United States government...if they had the balls! It's a nonstop, action-packed, balls-to-the-wall, no-holds-barred, anything-goes, no-limit, petal-to-the-metal brain-melting thrill ride, and the party don't stop until your heart does! Pick up a three-gallon value pack today. Maniac Energy Drink (tm) is found behind fine stores everywhere. Awesome!